Sean Hayes: (Un)justified Expectations?
Why are we so hard on our celebrities? LGBTQ+ celebrities have never had it easy, between hate-flaming from extremists, being pegged into paper-thin caricatures of roles, denied work left right and center, and limited in their careers to being “one of the gay ones”. There’s no denying that it isn’t all that fun.
And admittedly, Sean Hayes, of Will & Grace fame, has come under a fair amount of fire for that from the LGBTQ+ community, for not being open enough, for not being supportive enough. In his first and clearly dreaded interview with The Advocate, explains his own frustration and anger with the monumental expectations heaped upon him:
Finally, Hayes gets to his true point: “I feel like I’ve contributed monumentally to the success of the gay movement in America, and if anyone wants to argue that, I’m open to it. You’re welcome, Advocate.”
That sarcasm and anger cover up years of genuinely hurt feelings. “Why would you go down that path with somebody who’s done so much to contribute to the gay community?” he asks. “That was my beef about it. What more do you want me to do? Do you want me to stand on a float? And then what? It’s never enough.
Very very understandable. It’s a human reaction, and it’s natural.
But in my opinion, Sean Hayes is no ordinary human.
He is an extraordinary, brilliant actor with exceptional comic timing. He subversively snuck into the living rooms of families across America and the world, and made his character lovable. Maybe not extremists, but you could be staunchly against the very existence of homosexuality itself and still laugh at Jack’s antics. So in that way, yes, he has contributed immensely. To the point that the first seasons of the show seem dated by comparison to the societal climate against which the later seasons were written.
He is also, in his own way, responsible for the new homophobic hypocrisy in America. Those families that laugh at syndicated episodes of Will and Grace continued to vote for Prop. 8. They continue to preach to their children that homosexuality is immoral and an abomination because they are taught it. The reality of the gay man does not exist for them. The gay man is just the guy on TV who exists to amuse them, and they can laugh because he is harmless and isn’t a perpetual presence in their life, making them reevaluate everything they ever believed in.
My partner, for example, dealt with that reality. When he came out to his parents, his father refused to look him in the eye for 6 months. After 6 months, his father returned to believing he had never said a thing about his sexuality. But each Thursday night, my partner would sit in his living room with his parents as they laughed and chuckled affectionately when Will and Grace was on.
At at time when Ellen had just been lambasted and ostracized from American mainstream culture for living as her authentic self on TV AND in her real life, Sean Hayes took a dream role of a lifetime, made it better than it was on paper, stole the show, and then stayed completely silent.
Think about the message that sends to the 13 year old in that living room. That it’s ok to play a wacky, hilarious caricature as long as you take every step you can to avoid the consequences and responsibilities of being a successful gay man. That even when you are on the most successful sitcom on TV at the time, you still have to hide who you truly are so that the world doesn’t hate you. That you cannot even attemptto define your future and to live unapologetically.
THAT is why we are so hard on Sean Hayes. He is a one of a kind. He played one of the most successful, well-known gay characters of all time and then when he was done, he said it was enough to capitalize on the humour of being gay; that to succeed for himself was enough.
He doesn’t technically ‘owe’ us a thing, and he certainly would never ‘fix’ anything just by coming out. But it could have made, and could still make a million incremental differences for individuals across the world. And together, those differences count for a lot.
And maybe, in an ideal world where we are all seen as equal, that would be enough. It certainly should be. But it’s not. We need Sean Hayes as much as, if not more than his peers: Neil Patrick Harris. Wanda Sykes. Ellen. We need him just as much as the rest of them, ESPECIALLY because of his successes, to stand up and tell us, without anger, without resentment, and without regret, that he is happy with who he is, that he is proud to love who he loves, and that it is NOT enough to compartmentalize the gay reality into a fiction.
So, hey Sean? Thanks for the late half-admission. We appreciate it and know how hard it is for you. But it’s still harder for the kids who live with the hypocritical reality that we’ve progressed into, and you’re one of the few who can help.
Better late than never.
