Before They Were ‘Them’

Before They Were Them

Every celebrity ‘joe-jobbed’ before they became a big deal.

(NOTE: “Before They Were Them” is now a short film! Lyrics and reference audio have been updated.)

Mezzo version: Key of F#. Highest note: D#4

Lyrics & Music by Kevin Wong
from STAR!(ving): A Collection of Songs

Originally conceived as part of STAR STUCK! (Book by Marty Chan, Lyrics & Music by Kevin Wong) at Sheridan College, Canadian Music Theatre Project.

Many thanks to the 2015 Shanghai Theatre Academy exchange students and the 2015 Sheridan College Musical Theatre summer interns, especially Gloria Guo & Arinea Hermans.

Special thanks to Marty Chan & Michael Rubinoff.


Film soundtrack version:

Lyrics & Music by Kevin Wong. © WovenKing Music 2015/2016/2019.

Short film credits:

Starring: Arinea Hermans
Directed by: Jake Foy
Produced by: Curtis Brown, Th3rd Paul Productions
Director of Photography: Adam Griffiths
Sound Mixed by: Mike Ferraro

LYRICS (Click here)

May I take your order?
…And will that be with fries?
…And what sauce would you like?
It’s just three bucks to super-size
(A beat.)
Yes, I know we hate this “rest’raunt”,
with its pink-ish chicken tar. But:
even Leno worked here once
before he was a star!
Hugh Jackman used to educate,
DeVito once did hair,
Posh Spice dressed up as a ‘sperm-on-skate’,
Channing T would simply bare!
Whoopi dolled up the deceased,
Sam L. Jackson played the horn,
Tom Cruise was almost once a priest,
and Jon Hamm once did porn!
(Spoken)…Yeah, like, sets and props!
So you work ’til 5 A.M.
Still, don’t quit, don’t self condemn
Ev’ry rose grows from a stem
No one knew they’d be a gem
before they were ‘them’.
Brad Pitt once wore a chicken suit,
Pierce Brosnan ate sticks that flamed.
Demi Moore chased down the destitute,
and Chris Walken lion tamed!
And there’s more! Did you know Sandra Oh
trained to do ballet and failed?
Oh! And Lucy Liu, she struggled so,
taught aerobics – both prevailed!
So it feels you’re overdue,
still, I know you’ll make it through.
Before ev’ry star’s debut,
look! They were a no one too,
the next could be you!
Before they were ‘someone’, they were cleaning floors.
Before plush red carpets, they faced slamming doors.
Look at him, look at her.
You’re right where they once were
Before they were ‘them’,
before they were ‘them’!
Ellen worked an oyster bar,
George Clooney once sold shoes!
Ev’ry person gains a bruise or scar,
as they slowly pay their dues…
So this didn’t work out. Hey,
sure, we’ve all known that dismay.
Any path can sometimes stray,
still, you’re moving on your way!
I’m just trying to convey:
You can’t win if you don’t play!
Through each setback, let’s just say,
“What’s another small delay?”
Take things day by day.
Excluding 13% tax